The Truth About “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” from a Non-Christian

Those of you who know me well know I'm in no way, shape, or form a Christian. It may surprise you to learn, however, that I really don't mind it when people wish me a “Merry Christmas.”

The media wants you to think that there’s a great deal of controversy over these two words, but I’m here to clear the air a bit. There’s not. The truth is, like most things in this country, all of the fighting is being done by extremists on both sides who together only make up approximately 1% of the total population of our nation. But that 1% is loud, obnoxious, and generally wealthy, no matter what side they’re on. So what is the result? A forced and imaginary schism formulated as a “War on Christmas.”

I apologize in advance to the “War on Christmas” folks, but “Happy Holidays,” for me, at least, has never really meant anything other than a shortened version of “Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.” These are the “holidays” that are represented in that statement for me, not some sort of “inclusive statement of the liberal agenda,” whatever that means. “Happy Holidays” has been in existence for at least the 27 years of the last 30 that I can remember, and that’s what it has always meant to me. It’s not ANTI-Christmas; It IS Christmas.

So now we get to the heart of the article: How do I feel when people wish me a “Merry Christmas?” It doesn't bother me at all. 99.9% of the time, when people say these two little words, it's a completely innocent, truly joyous wish for you and yours. They aren't being maliciously inconsiderate, and knowing that, I never take it that way. They generally just don't consider that you may not celebrate the holiday, but that’s not so surprising when you examine the statistics.

While only 78.4% of people in the US identify as Christian, 94.6% of Americans celebrate Christmas. Consider those numbers for a moment. Now consider that only 48.7% of those that actually celebrate Christmas attach any religious significance to the holiday. That means that the general assumption from a holiday well-wisher can be that, if you’re American, you celebrate Christmas. From the point of view of the recipient of such holiday greetings, there's less than a 50% chance that the greeter meant anything religious by their greeting. There’s no real reason to get visibly upset or, even worse, violent and abusive when someone wishes you a “Merry Christmas.”

While I understand for the small minority of us that don’t celebrate Christmas and also celebrate other winter holidays that the Christmas season can feel a bit isolating, it isn't fair for us to expect the Average Joe to ask each and every person they meet “what holiday are you celebrating this winter?” Equally so, for those of religions that, like my own, follow a lunar calendar, if someone goes through the effort of wishing you a “Joyous [insert lunar holiday here]” and the holiday has passed or is a month away (which is the nature of lunar calendars), don’t get upset that they got it wrong. Be happy they made the effort. I don’t expect people to tell me “Mo’ed ha’Urim Samecha,” because, let’s face it, even if they knew to say it, they probably wouldn't know how to say it, much less on what days it fell. So even though I don’t celebrate Chanukah, when people wish me a “Happy Chanukah,” it’s close enough, and I’m happy they made the effort.

Now the question is: Should you correct them in any case? It depends on how well you know them and how you do the “correcting.” If you’re going to correct someone about the holiday you celebrate, remember: They intended no malice. If you come back at them snappy or angry, you’re more likely to seriously hurt their feelings, which isn’t fair considering that they only accidentally upset you. Instead, if it’s a stranger, just say “Thank you. You too.” Simple as that. Sure, maybe you don’t believe what they do, but it’s a hell of a lot better than making your entire religion look like a bunch of oversensitive delicate flowers or a bunch of intolerant totalitarian assholes. If you know the person, then I’m sure you can think of a way to handle the situation delicately, so as to not hurt their feelings. Just keep in mind, most people don’t want a detailed description of, for instance, why you celebrate Yule and not Christmas and that are a Germanic pagan and not a Christian or why you celebrate Mo’ed ha’Urim and not Chanukah and how you’re an orecha and not a Jew. The average person probably doesn't even see the difference. Don’t get offended, as I said; just be happy they made the effort!

Realistically, you can wish people whatever you want to wish them. If you know their religion, it should be easy. If you don’t, then do an assessment of the area. If you’re in a predominantly Jewish area, like the Toco Hills area or Atlanta, GA, for example, then more than likely you’ll do well with “Happy Chanukah” during that season (which was around Thanksgiving this year). If you’re anywhere else, “Merry Christmas” is probably the statistically appropriate choice. Equally so, you could always just wish them a joyous whatever holiday you celebrate. It’s an interesting conversation starter if you follow a more rare religious tradition. The other alternative, and one I happen to prefer, is simply to wish them a “Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor!”